husband doesn t want to go on family vacation husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

They sometimes ask if Im from some sort of obscure cult, or something. I have the same problem and have since I was a child. They go out of their way to watch everyone. Hes my partner, not my parent, not my keeper, and Im still a grown ass adult who gets to decide what I do with my life. I sometimes know and I often dont. I would say most of his issues stem from his childhood trauma and some possible but undiagnosed Aspergers (he has closely observed human behavior to figure out whats expected, is a brilliant programmer, works on empathy). I love my husband to bits, hes a good man, but I would never ever ever want to be in a position where I was financially dependent on him. Its a lot different than when I first went in 1989, but even then it was quite suitable (ideal, actually) for a business conference. Kidnappings, someone spiking your drink, etc. And the Flamingo is fun because its what I imagine the trashy, gaudy old Vegas was like so when Im there I pretend Im like a mobsters wife or something. It seems infinitely more likely that what they actually said was yeah man, that sucks, I dont know why she wouldve broken up with you as sympathy and he took it that way, but either way, you dont date by committee! OP, I saw one of your responses saying your husband is otherwise kind. Im someone who immediately leaps to the Worst Possible Scenario thanks to my anxiety. Either hes got anxiety driving him to act out this way, which can be addressed with talk therapy to learn new coping mechanisms (also, medication is an excellent tool that could help) or, he feels threatened by your success in business and is seeking to sabotage you to keep you in your place. You say youre the breadwinner. Ive never been on these more dangerous trips, though I almost had to travel to Congo last year (it ended up falling through). I have informed him and he hasnt taken it very well. This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you won't complain: "My husband never wants to do anything with me.". In a vacation environment totally devoid of any stress, I couldn't stand to be in my husband's company. It can be; it can also be a culture that has different views on whats important in a relationship. The letter writers last trip was in February and the manager from the other thread wrote to Alison in the beginning of March, which would be right after she got back from this Vegas trip and told her boss she would no longer travel. the religious environments patriarchal enough that it would be an inherent problem would ALSO have a problem with the woman being the one who works. Really? On another note, with the amount of cameras in Vegas, kidnapping or any other untoward act would be fairly difficult if youre staying in populated areas. For sure gamboling DOES occur in Vegas, same as gambling :). My comment is intended to apply to any combination of genders.). So, later this year I am going on a two-week hiking trip with a couple of friends one of whom is a man, even! Now that we have been together longer, he has settled down and has learned to trust me. Well discuss, compromise, agree to disagree, but I do NOT need permission. Ifso, then wewould say that your husband has some personal issues that need toberesolved before hecan fully open and welcome you asapart ofhis family. I think on a more general level Spouse doesnt want me to go *can* be an actual, non-abusive thing, in certain circumstances (new baby at home for example, or a health crisis or other emergency where Hey, is there ANY way you can get out of this trip? might be a reasonable thing to ask. This is stuff you gotta ask yourself. By letting him chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with male colleagues, in public, etc. AP, this is just a wonderful post. Its just easier to non-committally agree with someone, especially when their view is bananas, than to get into a row with them and get involved in their marital issues. She keeps asking us (no matter how many times we decline) if we need her to buy us Amazon Fresh groceries. who believe the TV/movie depictions of the city and sort of forget that there are people who live there and work there, going about their everyday lives. Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. They just find more things to get worried about. You need a pro to help you guys sort out this tangle and see where to go from here in a way that doesnt actively sabotage your career because of his irrational behavior. Working Wife, I truly dont know what your marriage is. But please ask yourself if this is an isolated incident, or if there have been other times when your husband has expressed this kind of feeling when you go out with friends for dinner, is it less likely that youll be kidnapped somehow? And you will regret it even more if your marriage ends and you put yourself in a worse position just to appease irrational fears. And people loooooove the lotto tix here. Its not like people are forced at gunpoint to have sex with a rando when they deplane at McCarran. I think the conversation is worth having. :D. Naked Business Orgy in Vegas is what Im naming my metal-covers-of-show-tunes band. A person who wants to cheat will cheat even if the business trip is in Dayton, OH, or they will cheat even in their hometown. I dont think you necessarily need to fear him, but as other commenters have said, there are parts of this that seem dangerous and disturbing from our perspective. Hed go get a hotel room, and give me a call; he wouldnt be instantly homeless and alone, and I couldnt magically fix a burned house anyway. I dont think youre going to be able to use logic or rational arguments to rid him of any fears. One thing I will mention about Vegas is that yes, like anywhere else, things can happen in regards to safety, but that city is so patrolled. Lastly, if you know your husband likes to stay home, bring the party to your house. Eh, sex work is legitimate work. Im a husband sometimes prone to irrational fears about if my wife is okay. Travel tip: if you go into a bar whose name would make Hooters say whoa, too obvious and use your corporate AmEx to cut lines of coke, you are probably going to run into some trouble. Where I live, they would agree with the husbands position. Some people may have only a negative perception of Vegas, but the important thing is realizing that kneejerk perception is actually inaccurate. We were in that stage of "dating" where we wanted to do everything together, only he didn't fly and didn't really enjoy travel. I think it was just awkward phrasing and the intent of the update meant his friends objected to the very idea of letting their spouse go to Vegas. Id do it again theres a mob museum and some other things Id like to see. (Pretty sure the best meal Ive had in my life was at a Vegas buffet there was bone marrow covered in like fig sauce and the second or third best was at one of the steakhouses). Marriage counselling is categorically not recommended if there is abuse. Most of them suffer from anxiety and sensory issues so they think Vegas sounds terrible in practice. This captures so much of what anxiety sufferers like my wife go through and what spouses like myself have to find a way to work through with their partner. Good luck to you in standing firm. of course im very careful around others who drink and make it a point to be responsible and not get carried away, kwim? etc.. For work, though, it is perfect. I havent missed a day other than scheduled vacation. Not like us isnt automatically the same thing as toxic.. I agree with the counseling suggestion. I feel a sudden need to greet my husband at the door tonight and give him a big hug. My take is that the uptick is in reporting and discussion, not the behavior itself. I guarantee if my partner surveyed their friends they would all tell them that they are being ridiculous to even question letting (ha!) I speak as someone whose husband is both a counselor and anxiety-sufferer. This isnt a man with an anxiety problem. I have one. Unless theyre all really churchy (and the OP didnt say), if any of my previous partners said that, Id give it massive side-eye. I only left the conference hotel a couple of times, always with a group, and we were in the touristy area right next to the Gaslamp district anyway. Im not diagnosing at all. A three day annual business trip to any location is not an unreasonable expectation. What if he dies? You deserveit! Ive encouraged him to take trips on his own without me, especially when Im on travel. This makes me MAD. I came here to recommend asking Captain Awkward as well! Abusers often (successfully!) Who was the genius with the idea to build a tourist trap in a desert? To the letter writer, if your husband walked into a therapists office with Anonymous Posters comment and said, Thats what I want, the therapist would either be able to teach him that skill or refer him to someone who can. If your husband doesnt trust you to handle three days sitting in conference rooms in Las Vegas with your coworkers, thats a fundamental relationship problem. Husband needs to chill, big time. It has helped me also to understand where that response came from not just the ex baggage, but early childhood experiences damaged his basic trust, which he is working on. Does he worry about you when you go shopping alone, or when you work late at the office? Counseling is legit, or ask him to come along. I certainly didnt want to give that impression! We get to decide what level of irrationality we are willing to handle in a relationship and if its based in fear and being used to limit who you want to be, that just doesnt work. He wouldnt try and prevent me from going on one of those trips because it is work, but he used to fret quite a bit and if I didnt text when he expected (or didnt have phone service) he would panic (as in call highway patrol level panic). Its stupid of me, I know. I wonder if there are other circumstances in which he exhibits similar behavior. Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party.. Immediate marriage counseling is required and if he wont go, see a counselor yourself. So best case scenario, youre stifling your opportunity for growth. OP, you should look at this exclusively as a problem your husband has, not a problem with work or the relationship. But I am going to totally disagree with you that its not a relationship problem. Thats not out of reluctance to let either one out of their sights, but more because when they have the choice to be together, they will be together, and when its unavoidable, they make do as best they can. He might be in some kind of internet echo chamber, like one of the misogynist subreddits, and all the guys in there told him Shes totes just going there to have sex with random dudes! because thats the way those corners of the internet are. At first I was shocked, but that was only due to the misconceptions about that place. I just want to comment in support of you and your husband. What if you could guarantee there wouldnt be any impact on your career either way, and your husband didnt have an opinion either way? we can all agree that either way, Husband isnt likely to change his behaviour without some outside intervention, so I do hope that counselling is an option for them. She acted like she wasnt married. Ive been to very big conferences in cities that cant really handle them, and its obnoxious to have to wait in line for 30 minutes to get coffee or make a hotel room reservation months and months in advance. Untreated anxiety is a meat grinder to relationships. If your husband has never traveled for business, and hasnt traveled much in his personal life, and his friends have similar life experiences, then its no wonder that hes created this scenario where all that happens in Vegas is affairs and crimes. I gave the ring back soon after. I wouldnt be surprised if he straight-up made that up in order to lend credence to his argument. But I come from a history of super-controlling domestic abuse situations, so Ive seen this behavior more times than Id care to admit. Im trying not to bring up the topic for awhile till he meets with a counselor individually or together. In the places where its legal, its still only legal at licensed brothelsof which there are 24 in the entire state. Worrying about cheating, sex, drugs, and rock n roll, is worrying about what I will do. I hope this topic can also help someone else facing simalry issues. And if I only believed he was in danger because I have anxiety I cant control, this wouldnt help at allin fact, it would probably make the anxiety worse. So thats what Ive been doing wrong all these years! I have a friend now who Ill maybe mention that he is going to a business thing and he will badger me where is he? Its just Vegas (and Disney) are more designed to keep you inside their controlled, predictable corporate environment so as to better separate you from your money. I hope you can get some work done despite your husbands interference while you are gone. Is a 4 day trip to Vegas worth loosing a 10 yrs relationship. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. w/o massage $45, pools, hot tubs, steam, sauna, nibbles. Ugh. The thing is, by continuing to comply with his increasingly erratic demands for check-ins, he came to expect them anytime he wanted them so if I went to a movie with friends and didnt tell him, Id come out to literally 30 texts wanting to know where I was. I have to remind myself of that sometimes; I think you should remind yourself that too. (I do apologize that my intention to be helpful wasnt completely clear). I agree. Just last night I got home around sunset to find my wifes car in the driveway, the garage door open, all the lights off, and the house still and quiet. Sin City. So, OP, if you take nothing else away from this comment chain, hopefully you at least get some calibration to your is-it-weird-o-meter. Its natural to want to care for your partner. Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. But I suspect if I went for leisure, Id be bored out of my ever-loving mind. Just that it could be either one. this makes me IRATE. I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. oh, and the dancing fountains at the Bellagio. I do think raising, where you live, and a worldly perception of Vegas play in. My husband is just glad he doesnt have to go with me, because more than a couple of days in Las Vegas is like being stuck inside a kaleidoscope. Tell your husband to get a grip, and then yes, get some counseling to get over this anxiety. I think theres sometimes a tendency in certain corners of the internet to equate I have to talk to my partner about X before I can do it or My partner doesnt want me to do Y with OMG controlling relationship!, when there are lots of circumstances where that kind of thing is totally reasonable. (A high crime rate gets lots of news coverage, with dramatic photos; a major reduction in the crime rate doesnt, because TV news doesnt want pictures of people walking down the street in safety with friends, doing their shopping, picnicking in the park.). And the shopping! Counseling perhaps. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. Yeah, Im wondering who would even give this sort of advice. Because my husband trusts me. apply jobappnetwork com elior; farmington, ct homes for sale by owner Speaking as someone whos wife spent 8 months of 10 days on site near Chicago, 4 days home over the last year after 8 years of her doing essentially no business travel, I know spouse separation anxiety far better than I care to both on my part, and my wife. Youre five minutes late? Im not superstitious, so I was aware that it was completely bogus that my fears concentrated on that fact, but they nonetheless did. She and I have spoken about it, in part because I travel without my husband a lot, including to family stuff. Do I refuse to go to save my marriage or go on the trip and try to keep good stance in my company? One learns to cope AT&T helps, also. Also she is sole provider for family? I took a look at the menu for Gordon Ramsays burger place and almost stroked out. Actually if you go off the Strip theres quite a few things to see and do around Vegas (also non-gambler here), desert hikes, assorted museums (notably neon art & the mob), and my personal favorite the Pinball Hall of Fame which has 100+ playable pinball machines (old and new). Him: Something something shes just got cold feet about the upcoming wedding. And not for couples counselling, either she needs to work on strategies to deal with him. Rooms were kinda cheap, and Im sure the convention center was cheap. But he is controlling. The best parts of Vegas arent actually in town. Any evening events they go to are as likely as not to just be parties. We also were both active-duty for the first couple years we were together. Then we went to Hoover Dam on a tour. But the effect of his behavior on her is a them issue. My mom cancelled their first date and was always busy when he tried to reschedule until she finally gave in. I mean, it isnt like he is supporting them. Uncategorized ; June 21, 2022 husband doesn t want to go on family vacation . 1. I personally hate Vegas, but I would never question the idea of sending a business trip there because its typically the cheapest place you can gather people from offices all over the continent. Sorry for the confusion. My husband still asks sometimes if hes allowed to go do things, like go to the pub with his friends without me, and it irks me because even though I know hes joking I dont like that he even pretends that I am a stereotypical ball and chain. Counseling is the best and most realistic option for helping him get into a healthy head space. Maybe hes wrapping that insecurity in fears of what might happen so he doesnt have to address the real issue. I understand where youre coming from, but even if this is exclusively his issue, joint therapy sessions can help each partner understand the others perspective. I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. The hotel was phenomenal, though! Shes too fair to be naked out in that desert sun.. The kind of overwhelming, intrusive anxiety postulated here is still a control issue, 100%. That I was RIGHT! I would bet money he didnt tell everyone else the same story he told me. And when your husband does things like that, why would you choose him over anything else? And at the end of the day, it doesnt matter because every time, its about something that doesnt really have a right or wrong answer. I really hate the bad rap Vegas gets. Inviting him to go might be a stop-gap measure to cover this trip. Agreed. Im certain he is imagining some lawless back alley den of sin. Not for me. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. It is ideally set up to host conferences. If this were my husband, Id point out that Im statistically more likely to be murdered by him than by a stranger, therefore its probably safer to be in Vegas than at home. While we were there, her then-husband called and texted her literally every ten minutes. People in my family are prone to anxiety disorders manifesting themselves in this way (including me, yay! I think the reputation itself also makes people think its okay to act more crazy than they might. Try to stop expecting reasonable behaviour from your spouse when hes in this anxious state. Your brain chemistry & brain function is literally abnormal, for a start. If the boundaries within a family are so entangled (by normative American standards), it really is an asset to the couple when their partner has the skills to navigate those extended relationships. We arent gamblers either. He needs to get help and you need to do whats best for you and your career (and your sanity!). I have anxiety, and so does my husband and this isnt really an anxiety reaction, but a control issue. My professional association alternates years between Vegas and Disney for its annual conference because those two places are both great for massive groups of people at a reasonable price. Never! Its notable that he took a of survey of other people to bolster his position. Vegas has a convenient airport, massive conference facilities, and tons of hotels that cater to business travelers. I think its time to tell him something like: I need you to respect my ability to make my own decisions. think twice before sharing personal details, foster a friendly and supportive environment, remove fake accounts, spam and misinformation, delete posts that violate our community guidelines, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. I think this is a little parochial, in fact. Some people really arent used to being apart from their partners. Could be true. Thats kind of hilarious because my ex was super upset the first time I went to Utah (current spouses family lives there), because he thought Id let our daughter be kidnapped by polygamists. We of course send the Im here texts and goodnight and such. I knew a woman who was very sincerely pious and churchgoing and lived her Christian values. Itd be easy for the husband to dismiss the wifes concerns as Well SHE wants to cheat. (As a sidenote: my mom has been able to do with with my dad a few times when her travel schedule gets crazy. Agree that you should go to counseling by yourself if he wont go.